I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
