We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
