dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
