just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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