ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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