I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
