He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
