I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize