Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just had sex on a roof
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
