I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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