i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
