I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
