Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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