There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
