I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
