im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize