Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
