im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
