Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
