Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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