Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
where are you?
Hypothermia
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
