i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
