what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
