Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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