i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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