she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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