9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize