My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
