sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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