he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
