I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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