I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
