yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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