dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
