I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
