Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
