So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
