okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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