Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize