K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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