just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize