Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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