I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
