He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize