why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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