You're my little dorito
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
