Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
