Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
