I think my fart just growled at me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
