i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
