I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
