You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize