He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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