you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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