Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
