I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I want a musical about memes.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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