my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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