Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
