I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
