i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Randomize
