What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
