foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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