Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
