Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
