so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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