We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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