The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
