I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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