I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
