So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
