i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
