I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
