I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
