Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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