i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
