her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
