3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
