But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
