They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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