I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
