Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
