i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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