Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize