it was like fucking gandolphs beard
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
