I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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