All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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