Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
