If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
