Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
