planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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