how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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